Will: Morning Kurt
Puck: Buenos Nachos Mr Schu
Will: Hey, let’s go Titans!
(Kurt about to be thrown in the dumpster)
Kurt: Wait! One day you will all work for me.
Sue: Iron Tablet?
Sue: Keeps your strength up while you’re menstruating.
Will: I don’t menstruate.
Sue: Yeah? Neither do I.
Sue (to Will): Let’s break it down. You wanna be creative. You wanna be in the spotlight. Face it! You wanna be me.
Will: I know you’re used to being the cock of the walk around here Sue: Offensive but it looks like your Cheerios are gonna have some competition.
Quinn: Okay, let’s compromise: If you quit the club, I’ll let you touch my breast.
Finn: Under the shirt?
Quinn: Over the bra!
Kurt: They’re gonna throw fruit at us! And I just had a facial!
Rachel: Oh I’ll press charges if that happens.
Will (voiceover): My father always said you become a man, when you buy your first house. I’m not sure what he meant by that, since he burned ours down once after a drunken fight with mom.
Terri: I have a question about the trees. It’s always been my personal dream to cut down my own Christmas tree. How many Christmas trees would we have in the backyard? And do they come in different colors?
Terri: This is where our daughter or gay son will sleep.
Kurt (to Mercedes): You need to call me before you dress yourself. You look like a Technicolor zebra.
Emma: Rachel? Did you just throw up?
Emma: You missed the toilet.
Rachel: The girl who was throwing up before me left that. I tried, but I guess I just don’t have a gag reflex.
Emma: One day when you’re older, that’ll turn out to be a gift.
Sue: Lady justice wept today.
Quinn: Now, remember: if the balloon pops, the noise makes the angels cry.
Principal Figgins: First an announcement: the toilets are broken again. We are fixing the problem, but let me warn you, there will be zero tolerance for anyone soiling school grounds. We’re not going to have a repeat of last time.
Sue: Let me be the one to break the silence. That was the most offensive thing I’ve seen in twenty years of teaching – and that includes an elementary school production of Hair.
Sue: My first thought was, that your students should be put into foster care.
Principal Figgins: So Sue, I’m cutting your dry cleaning budget to pay for new costumes for the Glee club.
Sue: This will not stand!
P.F.: Ohh Sue, the dry cleaners here are just as good as the ones in Europe!
Finn: Well, when I first joined I thought you were kind of insane, I mean you talk a lot more than you should and to be honest with you, I looked under the bed, made sure you weren’t hanging out under there.
Finn: The cups are like the airplane cups.
Doctor: Uhm I don’t quite know how to put this. There’s no baby.
Terri: Did it fall out?!
Sue: Cease fire on the waterworks! I don’t wanna hear it, I don’t wanna see it. You know Q, when I first laid eyes on you I was reminded of a young Sue Sylvester. Though you don’t have my bone structure.
Terri: There’s my man. Bringing home the bacon.
Rachel: Can I use the auditorium to practice? Our neighbours are filing a lawsuit...
I'm such a gleek.